My mother used to write for a local paper. Usually she wrote educational essays or witty anecdotes about her work as a small animal and exotic veterinarian. This little piece, however, is probably one of my favorites. Merry Christmas!
In Memory of Dr. Anndrea Hatcher, Dec. 11th, 2015
'Twas the Night Before Christmas (Published in the Southside Times 12/16/2010)
My apologies to Clement Clark Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas, and that was that,
Not a creature was stirring, except for the cats;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Although somewhat shredded and covered in cat hair;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
The dog had been walked; the cats had been fed,
And mamma in her nightgown and me in my flannel,
Had just settled down to watch The Weather Channel,
When down in the family room there arouse such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Down the stairs I flew like a flash,
Slipped on a hair ball: fell with a crash,
The lights on the Christmas tree, strung row after row,
Gave a luster of mid-day to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
Kitty in the tree, chewing on the lights without fear,
Zap! went the lights and just as quick,
She shot out of the tree, lickety-split.
She leapt over a table, knocking a picture frame,
Dove under the couch; I told her she wasn't to blame.
But I found myself distracted by a noise from the kitchen,
Could it be Santa? With Donner and Blitzen?
I dashed to the room, but it was Fluffy after all,
Trying to get milk out of a glass with her paw.
It wasn't working and she didn't know why,
So she stuck her head in the glass and gave that a try.
But her furry face was too fat to fit through,
I'll have to admit-it was funny on side view.
I was extricating the cat from the glass,
When from the family room came a crash,
I ran in to see, in the branches of the tree, out came a tabby paw,
Another glass ornament went airborne and smashed against the wall.
As I was wrestling Kitty out of the tree, a horrible sound,
A kind of urgle, yarp, slarp, made me turn slowly around,
Fluffy was sitting there, looking hard put,
She had vomited pine needles in a pile by my foot.
As I went in search of rug spray to clean,
I noticed the Christmas tree had started to lean.
Kitty had re-climbed the tree in a flash,
and now knocked it down to the floor with a crash.
As I righted the pine I heard the cats drinking the tree water additive,
And dazedly wondered if it would work as feline laxative.
I thought while I was up, I might as well clean the cat litter,
But this was unusual-I saw something glitter.
Oh my, Fluffy had been having a tinsel snack,
Yet another thing to cause her to yack.
(Better take that decoration off the tree,
If it had been icicle strings; I'd been paying a vet fee.)
I turned round to see Fluffy sniffing at the Poinsettia,
I grabbed that away-knew that was bad, I'll tell ya.
As I walked through the kitchen, I pulled Kitty out of the trash bin,
Raw onions in there, my patience was beginning to wear thin.
But I returned to the family room upon hearing a sound,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He saw Kitty and gasped, "Is that a blue point Siamese?"
Then bent over double with the world's biggest sneeze.
He drew a handkerchief out of one of his mittens,
And said, "I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to kittens."
He pulled presents out of his bag; a wonderful treat,
Put them on the floor, the bows Kitty began to eat.
Suddenly Santa yelled as if he'd seen a ghost,
But it was just Fluffy, using his leg as a scratching post,
And wiping his eyes and blowing his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
コメント